I’ve always placed a high value on clearing giving myself time and space to allow me to round up my thoughts. This drive was a good way to clear my head at the time. This place has always been somewhere for me to collect my thoughts. I’ve gone here various times to think, to shoot, to just enjoy the sunset. It helps to have a place like this. Even more to have a lot of them.
The photos I took were dark. They were not like the colorful bright shots that I’ve shot here before. I do really like the way they came out. Our emotions always tend to transfer on over to our craft pretty nicely and effortlessly. And I didn’t go out there alone this time. I did try to constrain myself to a single lens for the day (I failed).
Despite myself being out of school I find my thoughts being more full than they were before. I think that me no longer being in school doesn’t give me the distraction that I had for the past few months. A lot of what is going through my head now is about my dad. I had about a weekend after he passed before I was back in school and everything returned to “normal”. I think now that I’m no longer in school, that “normal” is really starting to hit. I’m adjusted now but it still feels strange and I think it will for a long time to come.
I recently watched this video: How are you doing, really? recently on YouTube. Throughout the video I thought to myself how I would answer the question. And I will answer it hopefully by the end of this blog. Word choice has always been really important for me. Picking the right words to allow the right amount of room for interpretation. A lot of the answers given were really straight forward, more than i’m willing to give. I think the most interesting answer was the last one. She talked about the question is implying that there has been a shift. That’s usually the time when people ask, when there’s been a shift or some change.
So I guess this is my answer: I am doing a lot better than I have been in a while but not to the point where I want to be. I only set one goal for myself this year and I actually sent it out on a tweet and I planned to keep it pinned for the entire year as a constant reminder of where I want to be. The tweet was: Goal for this year is to be undeniably happy when 2020 hits. I really do think i’m making strides for that one goal. I’ve set myself both short and longer term goals to hit. I’ve been focusing a lot on my work and building myself up for future success along with staying on track for my career. I’ve been producing a lot of photos that I’ve been really proud of and checking things off my list that I’ve had for a while. I have a lot of people around me and am constantly meeting more that I can see sticking around. Still have a lot to go but have made progress that I can be proud of.